So waking up and doing homework last minute I guess I just dont change. Sometimes i wonder if my travels have changed me, and I really dont think they have. And then I realize I really dont care and it was never about that, but I dont know what its all been about anyway. I guess I didnt want to get stuck in Santa Fe or up in Burque at UNM. I guess I just wanted to hsave a change a romantic vision of an adventure. And it was, it has been, but like all visions and dreams when one lives them they becomew realities and the reality of most things is hard and rough and true. The moments of beauty shine like stars in the night, but then pass and extiguish with the heat of the day. Blown away by noon by the wind that never stops. Thats how it became on the ship. In salinas bay in the DR it was like that. Lost from all that you know and love, everyone on the ships futures were up in the air, still are. I dont if the ship is going to cross. >I dont know if it will be able to. There is too much to explain. >I realized we never did much acting on the ship becuase it was already too much drama on the ship. when you made yourself look at it a certain way it became a comedy. But mostly it felt like a tragedy. I am in Mexico. I think and yet I dont. The old churches amaze me yet mean nothing, so many Ive seen, so long since Ive seen friends. It felt good to meet our family. Im meeting Tio Felipe this afternoon, he is actually old friends with the head of the school here. The classes are good, Im learning. I can follow conversations fairly well, I have no problems comunicating. my unsderstanding is a lot better than my speech. I like mexico, I want to come back, but now I want to go home. Walk down the street past the skatepark, under the bridges, wind down alleys and end up at the cross of the matyrs just in time to watch the sunrise.
I realized early on, coming back from a waterfall in St. Lucia that we are always travelling home. I used to think to much, I still do. I relied on my head to much, I forgot my heart. My heart is not here, this is not my home. My heart is running with Colorado and Sadie up at the ranch and sitting on the bunkhouse porch or waking up to dads guitar. My heart is with the foids, and laughing at shit with anna and reading camilas poetry and taking joking with mom. its singing in the mountains with my brothers. Its realizing that its all kinda shitty and hopeful. Its in music and art and family and friends. Mom asked me if my interests have opened up in my travels, but its only reafirmed what I already belived in before I left. Now I know what I must do. Not exactluy how, but I know. I miss Santa Fe, I feel content and ready and lonesome. Time always remains where it was, yet we dont have the abillity to be there. Ive breathed in a lot and now its time to breath out. I saw a mexican possum the other night. It made me happy. it wasnt scarred or hurried. Nope, just popped out the bushes right next to me and chris, didnt even care to look at us, nope, it knew where it was going, wasnt afraid, just jumped on the tree and climbed away up the wall. We were laughing the whole fucking time. When i left for the ship, I would watch the constelation of the seven sisters each night. I knew sara was doing the same back home, It felt good knowing that the distances really arent that far. now the seven sisters are dropping away early in the night, I saw them start in Salinas, I can see them now, but there they traveled the sky adn dropped over the horizon line, northwest, leading me slowy back home. And so I wont find my way
BACK home.
but find my way
FORWARD
Or if time is all the same Im already there, but since the cold physics of space and time tie our bodies to the present we live in, its still ahead for me.
I get lonely and have to tie my heart where I am with memories and songs, but its following those stars
.
But hell Im in mexico for a bit longer, Im enjoying it.
I love you both and I miss you. Keep writing poetry, keep dancing with flowers flying out of your hair and the beads from you necklaces becoming planets orbiting your sunny spin. drink tea, I have my coffee, kiss mia and nico and listen to music soft and loud and run. Keep imaging stories for everyth
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Rain Dance
Blynken and Nod…
My eyes are sometimes deserts needing rain. The past three days I’ve been wanting to cry- not in a sad way but I need to relieve myself of some sort of emotion that is stuck to my insides yearning to be a part of the tears in this world. I was reading somewhere… I don’t know if it was in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close or somewhere else about collecting someone’s tears. If I collected all the tears I cried and drained them of all their salt, I bet New Mexico could plant a beautiful garden year after year. Remember Ton when we used to do rain dances as soon as we saw gray clouds overhead and we’d dance in circles chanting ‘til the downpour came? I feel like I’m courting tears to emerge. I rented a sappy Bollywood movie called Veer Zaara and let me tell you Romeo and Juliet have nothing on this love story. Veer is an Indian who rescues Zaara this Pakistani girl who is delivering her Bebe’s ashes (the woman who raised her) to her homeland in India. The gist of it is, he ends up in prison in Pakistan for 22 years in order to save her honour. However, Zaara hears that he has died and when she does, she calls off her marriage to this asshole and moves to India to continue the dream of Veer’s adoptive parents… then they are reunited, 22 years after their story begins. Strangely, I feel the need to weep- weep for my disbelief in love, weep because I’m so far from the land of my people, weep because I so want to love, weep because so many people suffer, weep because I miss you, weep because there is so much beauty in this world, and weep because I simply need to. The poet Andrea Gibson has a line in her poem “Jellyfish” that reads “… my psychiatrist said I feel too much, I said so does God, that’s why you can seen the Grand Canyon from the moon” and that’s sometimes how I feel, that I feel too much… but you know I think all three of us do…
Sometimes I wonder when love will find me. I’ve been in love twice before- once with Ramon and once with Nate… I got close to loving Sam but I don’t know if it ever really happened… or rather I guess I could say it lasted a couple of months but I can’t truly admit that I’m in love with him anymore. I hope some day I can be mutually in love with someone- I don’t think anyone has ever been in love with me.
I’m turning 23 next Wednesday. I’ve been looking forward to that age for the past couple of years... sometimes I even say I’m 23 because I forget that I’m 22. I just have a good feeling about my coming age I just don’t know how it will be celebrated… it might just be me smiling thinking “Ahoy ahoy I’m 23”. I want a waffle maker, and a ticket back home, and a jamming session round a campfire in the mountains.
I want to return to myself because sometimes I feel I lose sight of the essence of Camila. I am like you Nunni, I am meant to wear flowers in my hair… but I haven’t been and I’m thinking that I need to start again. And I need to start wearing my free-flowing broomstick skirts and my beads upon beads of necklaces and my bangles. The only thing I’m good about these days is not brushing my hair… is it strange that that makes me feel like I am still me and just a little wild and free. I need to find a hill and roll down it and I wish Z was here because I know he would on the spur of the moment roll down a hill with me or spend a few hours in a tree or go on an adventure through Hartford just following the river or some obscure sign that says “go in that direction” in so many images or words.
I need to write poetry more.
I need to hear stories because I hear only my voice telling them. I think Easterners lost this art form years ago and only tell stories about themselves. If I ever have a child they will learn the art of storytelling and they will live a life that can birth stories. Perhaps that is all I ask of life, actually it often is. “Dear God, please let me lead an interesting life”. One time I stood at a fountain with Emily and David and threw a coin in asking for love and I missed it. I said the same thing again asking for love for the world and again the coin bounced out, I finally switched my wish and asked for peace and the coin sunk into the water.
I want to hug the earth like the little boy you saw in the park Blynken.
I want to wear my long skirts and spin around in the grass.
I want to play a game of Indian hide and go seek and eat Indian tacos, and play rummy with grandma and grampa, and swing on the tire swing, and sleep beneath the stars. Did you know that Orion is in reverse in the southern hemisphere? One time I lay out underneath the stars with Kate, who is now know as Nova, and she said something that has stuck with me… it seems she always does. I wonder sometimes if she is my guardian angel… I think more that she’s a guardian for all of Santa Fe. We were falling asleep in her backyards and she said that we were looking across the sky, not up at it, but when you’re on your back, it really is like one of those rides where the momentum keeps you pressed against the side of the ride and you’re looking out. That’s what this world is like, when you look up at the sky when you’re lying down you’re really looking across the galaxy, the universe, this whole grand scheme of whatever this is.
I’m happy that you’ll be seeing Mia Anna. I’m happy that you’ve met our Mexican family Antonio. This coming month I’m going to Nico’s first communion in Poughkeepsie and Malia’s Baby Shower in Northampton. It seems the new generation has begun and we are all just getting older.
I’ve thought about staying another year in the Northeast and it seems that I probably will. Wanderlust might tempt me and I might give in but only time will decipher the paths I take. “Life is, therefore we are, however we doubt…” I miss Sonia. I miss going back and forth between Santa Fe and El Dorado with her. I miss dancing. I miss our sales that we would have with Mia. I miss the gorges of Cornell and the oreo house. I miss simplicity and singing. I miss irrigation and the G6. But more than anything I miss people who understand what I am saying and who I can speak with who understand my ramblings- people who believe in reincarnation and ghosts and making a difference and the wanderlust and babies and all religions and mother earth and the power of dancing and music and art and who will love me unconditionally like Antonia and Mia and Elizabeth and the two of you who have shared so much of life with me.
Life is beautiful and sometimes I forget how beautiful it is. I’m staring out my work window now at the green trees. This is the one reason I always wanted to come east… because it was so green, such a contrast from our “pale yellow like Francisco” New Mexico. I got to meet Shirin Ebadi in Memphis in February. I got a kiss and conversation with Adolfo back in March. I scraped paint off of urinals and painted classroom walls at the Urban League of Greater Hartford and remembered what hard work means. I saved a couple of baby squirrels and that same week I had to pull a dead adolescent squirrel from a toilet. Life continues and again in the words of Kate that squirrel is the rain that is that woman walking with the umbrella who is me. We are all intertwined. That’s why I like the word ubuntu because it means that we are all one and so many people disacknowledge that. It’s something that the West knows so much better. Remember we are all part of one another… and Nunni I like your idea of cutting ourselves up and remaining whole all at once. I drew a map once and I know that my main flame is in the border region of Colorado and New Mexico but I have lit candles of myself in Ithaca and the DR, in Fiesole and Mexico City, in Lucerne and Limerick. I am scattered many places and my light is slowly combining with the light of other people’s paths and these places sew me into their seams. We are all a part of everything and I think that’s what God is… this everything and our interconnection. It’s interesting thinking that all three of us are in these different places taking in these different cultures and giving ourselves to these cultures teaching and learning, inhaling and exhaling, giving and taking, smiling and crying, wanting to be where we are and wanting to be where we’re not, but through everything we are us and building the material for our stories, the tales we will tell our children and grandchildren and nephews and nieces and cousins once removed and the spirits of our ancestors when we’re left on porches singing songs and playing checkers with ourselves husking corn and throwing pebbles at obnoxious neighbors. I love you both, I am proud of you, and I miss you… a lot. “When shall we three meet again, in thunder lightning or in rain? When the hurly burlys gone when the battle’s lost and won” remember when I tried to make you memorize those Shakesperean words. I can’t wait till we three meet again. Te amo. Baci y abrazos.
Love love,
El momo aka Wynken
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
i am laughing but my feet are still.
hello wynken and nod.
i miss you.
its late here. and im incredibly tired but i feel like writing. or at least i did 5 minutes ago. and i hope you read this no matter how insignificant and uninteresting it is. today i left school early. just walked out because when you dont do anything thats what you do. then i went to my south african friends house for dinner but on the way there the fucking bus patrolers ticketed me and i had to pay 34 euros i tried pulling the whole im a stupid american and started speaking english really fast (because this is my second penalty..i still need to pay the other one) but that didnt work because there were five of them. fucking assholes straight up. and i even tried paying for my bus pass earlier in the day but they wouldnt let me because it was too late. i would hate having a job that automatically defines you as an asshole. anyway i finally made it to my friends house and we had a great time. she plays guitar and writes song and really surprised me shes incredibly talented its folky type music but her lyrics have soul. it was good to be around some music like that i miss it. finally on my way back home i had to take the metro and then the bus. but i forgot that everything looks different at night and i got lost for an hour. went in circles and circles and circles. but i saw this hobo. who i also see every monday night on my walk home. but this time he was in a different place. and i wonder if maybe hes really my guardian angel. i think it may be the same hobo that i saw ona soup kitchen advertisement next to a smiling woman. he wasnt smiling though. i wonder if he sees me or if he recognizes me. these days have been strange lately and i dont really know what i feel. i feel like im blinded by the traffic and things moving fast but really i feel like im walking through mud and its hard to define. and im sorry im just rambling now but the other day i went to the park which ive been doing quite often lately always trying to go and do my homework but i just end up watching the people instead. and i saw a kid laying face planted on the dirt. hugging the ground. but the mom just kept walking. and i wonder if maybe its because he knows where he really came from and the mom was just a manequin. when i walked by he turned his head to the side and smiled at me. i hope he kept hugging the ground. its spring time here. and i feel like wearing dresses. and i always put a flower in my hair but i really want someone else to do it for me so i dont have to. on sunday i went to verona with one of the women from my program and the other american girl courtney. we saw juliettes balcony and before yous ee the balcony theres a hall filled with love notes and love graffiti. i wonder how many hearts are left there. those peoples love will always exist in that hall. like my friend kurt vonnegut would say everything exists in a moment in time. and always will. ive also been thinking a lot about sky lately and i like to remember that everything exists ina moment in time. like laughter. and dances. and twirling. and smiles. they live for infinity and nothing can change tht.and speaking of the sky its kind of scary living in a place where you cant see the stars. and all htere are are the street lights and lights from city windows. but then its comforting to think that maybe these are stars for some distant planet. and maybe over santa fe its really just a huge city. and maybe theres someone there wishing they could see the stars but instead its just black. or bleak. but maybe they would be comforted to know that their window light was someone elses star. i dont know. just thoughts. im getting tired of the superficiality of milan. i hate to say it. there is so much to do here and so much to see. but my god. its the city of moda. the city of fashion. which is great. but thats what it comes down to even with the majority of the people. which is why im glad mia cnotacted me because shes coming here on may 4th and maybe she can stay with me and my family for a bit and even if she cant well at least get to see eachother. my feet are itching again with wonder lust. but at the same time i want to stay here. i think you guys know what im talking about. maybe. its hard not to fall in love with things in every place. i know i said its superficial. but i know there will be a lot that i miss. i wish there was someway we could cut ourselves up into tiny little pieces so we could remain in everyplace we love but still remain whole. i think there is a way and its just no tliteral and i just havent found it yet. i was happy to hear that you made it to mexico antonio and i dont mean just that you made it by plane but that you endeed up there you know. go back to our roots. and if camila ends up being a luchador maybe well all end up there. maybe youll be fluent in spanish soon ton. that would be neat. that would mean that you could speak spanish. i could speak italian. and camila could speak swahili. were just too cool. i love you hermanos. more than anything. my heart is with you two and always is. i see things that remind me of you guys all the time and it makes me smile. anyway. vi amo.
ciao (for now)
blynken.
i miss you.
its late here. and im incredibly tired but i feel like writing. or at least i did 5 minutes ago. and i hope you read this no matter how insignificant and uninteresting it is. today i left school early. just walked out because when you dont do anything thats what you do. then i went to my south african friends house for dinner but on the way there the fucking bus patrolers ticketed me and i had to pay 34 euros i tried pulling the whole im a stupid american and started speaking english really fast (because this is my second penalty..i still need to pay the other one) but that didnt work because there were five of them. fucking assholes straight up. and i even tried paying for my bus pass earlier in the day but they wouldnt let me because it was too late. i would hate having a job that automatically defines you as an asshole. anyway i finally made it to my friends house and we had a great time. she plays guitar and writes song and really surprised me shes incredibly talented its folky type music but her lyrics have soul. it was good to be around some music like that i miss it. finally on my way back home i had to take the metro and then the bus. but i forgot that everything looks different at night and i got lost for an hour. went in circles and circles and circles. but i saw this hobo. who i also see every monday night on my walk home. but this time he was in a different place. and i wonder if maybe hes really my guardian angel. i think it may be the same hobo that i saw ona soup kitchen advertisement next to a smiling woman. he wasnt smiling though. i wonder if he sees me or if he recognizes me. these days have been strange lately and i dont really know what i feel. i feel like im blinded by the traffic and things moving fast but really i feel like im walking through mud and its hard to define. and im sorry im just rambling now but the other day i went to the park which ive been doing quite often lately always trying to go and do my homework but i just end up watching the people instead. and i saw a kid laying face planted on the dirt. hugging the ground. but the mom just kept walking. and i wonder if maybe its because he knows where he really came from and the mom was just a manequin. when i walked by he turned his head to the side and smiled at me. i hope he kept hugging the ground. its spring time here. and i feel like wearing dresses. and i always put a flower in my hair but i really want someone else to do it for me so i dont have to. on sunday i went to verona with one of the women from my program and the other american girl courtney. we saw juliettes balcony and before yous ee the balcony theres a hall filled with love notes and love graffiti. i wonder how many hearts are left there. those peoples love will always exist in that hall. like my friend kurt vonnegut would say everything exists in a moment in time. and always will. ive also been thinking a lot about sky lately and i like to remember that everything exists ina moment in time. like laughter. and dances. and twirling. and smiles. they live for infinity and nothing can change tht.and speaking of the sky its kind of scary living in a place where you cant see the stars. and all htere are are the street lights and lights from city windows. but then its comforting to think that maybe these are stars for some distant planet. and maybe over santa fe its really just a huge city. and maybe theres someone there wishing they could see the stars but instead its just black. or bleak. but maybe they would be comforted to know that their window light was someone elses star. i dont know. just thoughts. im getting tired of the superficiality of milan. i hate to say it. there is so much to do here and so much to see. but my god. its the city of moda. the city of fashion. which is great. but thats what it comes down to even with the majority of the people. which is why im glad mia cnotacted me because shes coming here on may 4th and maybe she can stay with me and my family for a bit and even if she cant well at least get to see eachother. my feet are itching again with wonder lust. but at the same time i want to stay here. i think you guys know what im talking about. maybe. its hard not to fall in love with things in every place. i know i said its superficial. but i know there will be a lot that i miss. i wish there was someway we could cut ourselves up into tiny little pieces so we could remain in everyplace we love but still remain whole. i think there is a way and its just no tliteral and i just havent found it yet. i was happy to hear that you made it to mexico antonio and i dont mean just that you made it by plane but that you endeed up there you know. go back to our roots. and if camila ends up being a luchador maybe well all end up there. maybe youll be fluent in spanish soon ton. that would be neat. that would mean that you could speak spanish. i could speak italian. and camila could speak swahili. were just too cool. i love you hermanos. more than anything. my heart is with you two and always is. i see things that remind me of you guys all the time and it makes me smile. anyway. vi amo.
ciao (for now)
blynken.
Monday, March 8, 2010
a post of somewhat insignificant realizations
helloo my dearest wynken and nod,
sorry i have not written in forever and have not responded to the other posts for some reason things just arent coming to me to write i want something really exciting to tell you guys but i just dont have it so i'm gonna write anyway because its more important that we just keep up with this no matter what and because sometimes we gather stories from our everday and dont realize it till later. so maybe these days of not a lot of excitement will really amount to much more in the end like endless summer days in santa fe that at the time seem to drone on but when we look back on them they seem like a heavenly dream.
okay anyway realizations of this week:
1) i am so not elegant (i knew that a long time ago) however its confirmed by all of the beautiful italian girls who always dress up like we dress up for homecoming and then i'm just there gettin down with everyone else in my little hippie garb. oh and then when i do dress up no one else does-story of my life. whatever i'm quite content just wearing clothes with history. after all we are gypsy.
2)2012 IS DEFINITELY COMING. this weather all over the world is fucking weird. not normal. and maybe i dont understand because all the news is in a different language but everyday i see something ridiculous about the weather like wind blowing people over in france, floods in spain, the earthquake in haiti whatever went down in south america and so on. everything seems
to be slowly heightening to the extreme. i dont know guys stuff is definitely going down even simple things with the weather like its ridiculously cold here and its normally not at this time of year and also there is way too much snow in santa fe and other parts of the us. definitely weird. i'm convinced. thank god we're all having adventures right now.
3) i want an exchange student next year.
4) I NEED to show these italians how to throw down.
5) i'm kind of in love with this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTHzeY7euUQ its directed by the same guy who directed pursuit of happyness and its the theme song for a new italian movie....baciami ancora! baciami ancora!
alrighttttyyyyyyyy! ohh goodness i am understanding more and more everyday but it slips in and out i have to really concentrate and its phyysically exhausting but i'm proud of myself. hows the spanish comin along ton?
my host family is coming to the states this summer and are doing a tour of the west and i think they're also coming to the ranch! i told them that they could stay at the bunkhouse but when i said we dont have running water or a toilet they didnt seem so keen on the idea..but i also warned them that the narrow gauge hotel isnt that great but we'll see i also suggested camping out but again they dont seem so keen on that and they were shocked at the mention of using the bathroom outside hahahaha i wonder if we seem like cavemen???? funny stuff such different lifestyles....i've told them a lot about dad too but the cowboy side of dad i'm sure their gonna wanna meet him when they come to the ranch but we'll see what happens hahahahahaha oh dear i realized that people really need to know our past sometimes to better understand how we are now.
i should also add to the list of my realizations that people are my passion because i havent found anything else that i'm truly passionate about like dance or music i enjoy alll of those things but nothing i feel completely passhionate about.so i decided maybe its people and talking with people that is. maybe passion doesnt have to b e an art form. i think getting to know people and understanding them is something that i'm actually really good at i feel like i have the ability to let people open up to me who normally dont i dont know maybe that sounds stupid but thats really how i feel.
oh camila i'm gonna check out that poet you were talking about and hows the crafting going? did you sell more jewelry and raise money for haiti? your little mother theresa you!
i brag about you guys all the time. i'm a lot like dad that way i guess. we have a good family to brag about.
i also showed my family the video of you ton and some friends to which they explained che figo! (how cool! or how sexy!) hahaha
anyway i love you both so much and am missing you a lot lately
bacimille
blynken
sorry i have not written in forever and have not responded to the other posts for some reason things just arent coming to me to write i want something really exciting to tell you guys but i just dont have it so i'm gonna write anyway because its more important that we just keep up with this no matter what and because sometimes we gather stories from our everday and dont realize it till later. so maybe these days of not a lot of excitement will really amount to much more in the end like endless summer days in santa fe that at the time seem to drone on but when we look back on them they seem like a heavenly dream.
okay anyway realizations of this week:
1) i am so not elegant (i knew that a long time ago) however its confirmed by all of the beautiful italian girls who always dress up like we dress up for homecoming and then i'm just there gettin down with everyone else in my little hippie garb. oh and then when i do dress up no one else does-story of my life. whatever i'm quite content just wearing clothes with history. after all we are gypsy.
2)2012 IS DEFINITELY COMING. this weather all over the world is fucking weird. not normal. and maybe i dont understand because all the news is in a different language but everyday i see something ridiculous about the weather like wind blowing people over in france, floods in spain, the earthquake in haiti whatever went down in south america and so on. everything seems
to be slowly heightening to the extreme. i dont know guys stuff is definitely going down even simple things with the weather like its ridiculously cold here and its normally not at this time of year and also there is way too much snow in santa fe and other parts of the us. definitely weird. i'm convinced. thank god we're all having adventures right now.
3) i want an exchange student next year.
4) I NEED to show these italians how to throw down.
5) i'm kind of in love with this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTHzeY7euUQ its directed by the same guy who directed pursuit of happyness and its the theme song for a new italian movie....baciami ancora! baciami ancora!
alrighttttyyyyyyyy! ohh goodness i am understanding more and more everyday but it slips in and out i have to really concentrate and its phyysically exhausting but i'm proud of myself. hows the spanish comin along ton?
my host family is coming to the states this summer and are doing a tour of the west and i think they're also coming to the ranch! i told them that they could stay at the bunkhouse but when i said we dont have running water or a toilet they didnt seem so keen on the idea..but i also warned them that the narrow gauge hotel isnt that great but we'll see i also suggested camping out but again they dont seem so keen on that and they were shocked at the mention of using the bathroom outside hahahaha i wonder if we seem like cavemen???? funny stuff such different lifestyles....i've told them a lot about dad too but the cowboy side of dad i'm sure their gonna wanna meet him when they come to the ranch but we'll see what happens hahahahahaha oh dear i realized that people really need to know our past sometimes to better understand how we are now.
i should also add to the list of my realizations that people are my passion because i havent found anything else that i'm truly passionate about like dance or music i enjoy alll of those things but nothing i feel completely passhionate about.so i decided maybe its people and talking with people that is. maybe passion doesnt have to b e an art form. i think getting to know people and understanding them is something that i'm actually really good at i feel like i have the ability to let people open up to me who normally dont i dont know maybe that sounds stupid but thats really how i feel.
oh camila i'm gonna check out that poet you were talking about and hows the crafting going? did you sell more jewelry and raise money for haiti? your little mother theresa you!
i brag about you guys all the time. i'm a lot like dad that way i guess. we have a good family to brag about.
i also showed my family the video of you ton and some friends to which they explained che figo! (how cool! or how sexy!) hahaha
anyway i love you both so much and am missing you a lot lately
bacimille
blynken
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
In honor of el dia de San Valentin, I have entitled my blog with a line from an e.e. cummings poem... which I also stole from Francisco's facebook status. I thought it was fitting, since we're all so far apart and I know I carry you with me wherever I go, you're two of the most important people in my life so I wish you a happy happy valentine's day. Now, the only thing we need now are truffles... I mean, I had a dream about truffles the other night, but frankly and raw-egg-filled truffle does not exactly suit my fancy. Moving on...
I am obviously still in Hartford... I thought El Paso was bad, but hey, at least it's close to Mexico. Last week I decided to pull a Marquez and take off to Northampton, MA to eat dinner with the lovely Malia and go to an Andrea Gibson Spoken Word event. Both were absolutely phenomenal. It's strange getting to know Malia after so many years of not really spending any time with her. It's nice. I wish I had spent more time with her during my time at Cornell. Andrea Gibson is a fucking phenomenal poet, I recommend that all of you go to her website and read some of her poems because that woman has a way of phrasing life that astounds me and reaches into my soul and brings me to tears.... in a good way of course.
Last weekend, my housemate Chrissa and I had a potluck for our PeaceJam mentors. As always it was very tasty. A couple of my Cornell friends also came over... Nancy, Emily, and Bart. It was nice to see them.
Wow, I feel like I'm living a hideously boring life right now. What can I tell you of interest?
I'm hosting a benefit for Haiti with money going to Christian Haitian Outreach and GHESKIO. As such, I'm crafting like crazy, I believe I have about 5 crocheted hats, several pairs of earrings, and a necklace for sale. I'm going to craft more tonight and see if I can get more stuff together for this thing. I don't think it'll be all that successful, but perhaps we'll get at least $200. That would be okay. (Wow, that's nothing).
I'm going to Memphis next weekend for PeaceJam and I'm sincerely hoping that I get to go to Graceland. That would be AWESOME!
Oh, important information. My kiswahili professor does know who I am, he just couldn't hear me very well over the phone. Hualelah! I might actually get into grad school.
Tootles my lovelies, I'm going to attempt to write some poetry I can post. I feel the urge for creativity to seep from my pores.
Wynken
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
"santa fe" is not only a city, but a gene trait.
well dearest wynken and nod i have come to the conclusion that the both of you have the amazing ability to smoothly spill out words of poetry and wisdom with out even thinking twice, or trying, i on the other hand have unfortunately not been passed down that wonderful gift so if my speech corrupts the flow of the writing i apologize in advance.
So i take back what i said about not meeting anyone who has really gotten it. thats BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT THATS WHAT I SAYY! hah little innuendo to drinkin out of cups ther haha...anyway on saturday i went to the duomo and the plaza with two of my friends lucrezia (who i'm pretty sure ton would fall in love with if he met her) and elena who are definitely some of the most down people i have met here and we had a fantastic conversation about north vs. south and the mindset between the people and they are both on our terms yay! Anyway later on we met up with milla (camilla), and a couple others including the new exchange student from south africa who is incredibly different from me its hilarious! but no shes really cool, but i must say i got a bit agitated when she started talking about food. (she has an enlish type accent you know how it goes) ex. "oh theres this place in south africa that just absolutttely has the best hamburgers, not like american burgers either these were thick!"..bitch. she has no flippin idea. and then went on to say "oh i just love mexican food theres this place in south africa where you can get a whole glass of a margarita and a whole plateful of nachos for only five euros!"..oh god i'm such an asshole but i seriously wanted to lash out. that woman has most likely never had real mexican food hah! okay anyways...........
that same night i cooked for my familia, sum fajitas, calabacitas, tortillas and guacamole. I must say that i was pretty flippin worried at first because not only was i to cook for 9 people (6 being men, meaning that they eat more, 8 being italian, meaning that they eat more) but also because they dont have a lot of ingredients here, like sour cream, yellow squash,cheddar cheese, proper baking powder and so on. So anyway i had all the food laid out and just sort of stared at it for awhile and started laughing and when they asked how they could help i had no idea what to say because i really had no idea what i was doing either! but luckily after those 5 minutes of contemplating what to do i threw the instructions to the side and decided to wing it like any good marquez should. and let me tell you thank god for our spanish/mexican blood, and our ability to make things up as we go with the outcome usually being fantastic, oh p.s. i also got luca to help me make the tortillas which was hilarious we whipped them out like pros and throughout the night he proceeded on to yell "MESSICO MESSICO MESSICO YAYY!' hah and also proceeded to ask me some ridiculous questions throughout the dinner. i was also asked that night if there were hippies in santa fe and if i knew any...haha! well being that thats most of the population of santa fe yes yes i do! oh if only they knew.
sidenote,(i'm following camilas lead)..later that night after we went to a pub we were lounging around outside, and one of the kids sat on the grass which you know is totally normal but everyone like freaked out "che SCHIFO!" which means disgusting..and long story short i was happy the kid stayed where he was. oh i long to lay in a park, my feet need to feel grass and not cement for a least a little while.
sidenote 2, after that they told me that the person standing next to me believed in ghosts and how ridiculous they thought that was..to which i told them that ah well i do so i told them my ghost story hah! this town needs a little superstition.
The next day i went to a soccer match between milan and some other italian team. we sat in the area where everyone constanty sings and chants and i tried to join along but ultimately failed so i just clapped and nodded my head in happiness. p.s. david beckham plays for milan. thats really the only reason i agreed to go. yay.
Going back a few days, on friday we went to mama patsys mums house for dinner to celebrate the birthdays of two of her siblings. the set up was pretty fancy and everyone was dressed really nice, but there was a woman there from teh phillipines as well who was the housekeeper/nanny. she sat at our table and i started talking to her. as nice as everyone else was i realized how much more interested i was in hearing what she had to say above anybody else. maybe this is because talk of the mountains and uranium in new mexico dont particularly interest me, or maybe because i finally got a chance to talk tos omeone i knew had had a different life than the rest of those who i've been surrounded by. one that was not filled with luxuries, and pollution. she showed me some pictures of the phillilpines and a trip she took to help people who had been struck by a terrible typhoon or hypoon...(bah they sound the same.) anyway i asked her if she missed home (she had only been back 3 or 4 times in the past 8 years) to which she replyed "theres no place like home".
p.s. also during my dinner, a conversation came up about the forest of sequoyas..haha i really couldnt help but laugh.
"now climb that tree"..
"what the sequoia?"
we really gotta find that video. :)
i love you both so much
bacimille
blynken
So i take back what i said about not meeting anyone who has really gotten it. thats BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT THATS WHAT I SAYY! hah little innuendo to drinkin out of cups ther haha...anyway on saturday i went to the duomo and the plaza with two of my friends lucrezia (who i'm pretty sure ton would fall in love with if he met her) and elena who are definitely some of the most down people i have met here and we had a fantastic conversation about north vs. south and the mindset between the people and they are both on our terms yay! Anyway later on we met up with milla (camilla), and a couple others including the new exchange student from south africa who is incredibly different from me its hilarious! but no shes really cool, but i must say i got a bit agitated when she started talking about food. (she has an enlish type accent you know how it goes) ex. "oh theres this place in south africa that just absolutttely has the best hamburgers, not like american burgers either these were thick!"..bitch. she has no flippin idea. and then went on to say "oh i just love mexican food theres this place in south africa where you can get a whole glass of a margarita and a whole plateful of nachos for only five euros!"..oh god i'm such an asshole but i seriously wanted to lash out. that woman has most likely never had real mexican food hah! okay anyways...........
that same night i cooked for my familia, sum fajitas, calabacitas, tortillas and guacamole. I must say that i was pretty flippin worried at first because not only was i to cook for 9 people (6 being men, meaning that they eat more, 8 being italian, meaning that they eat more) but also because they dont have a lot of ingredients here, like sour cream, yellow squash,cheddar cheese, proper baking powder and so on. So anyway i had all the food laid out and just sort of stared at it for awhile and started laughing and when they asked how they could help i had no idea what to say because i really had no idea what i was doing either! but luckily after those 5 minutes of contemplating what to do i threw the instructions to the side and decided to wing it like any good marquez should. and let me tell you thank god for our spanish/mexican blood, and our ability to make things up as we go with the outcome usually being fantastic, oh p.s. i also got luca to help me make the tortillas which was hilarious we whipped them out like pros and throughout the night he proceeded on to yell "MESSICO MESSICO MESSICO YAYY!' hah and also proceeded to ask me some ridiculous questions throughout the dinner. i was also asked that night if there were hippies in santa fe and if i knew any...haha! well being that thats most of the population of santa fe yes yes i do! oh if only they knew.
sidenote,(i'm following camilas lead)..later that night after we went to a pub we were lounging around outside, and one of the kids sat on the grass which you know is totally normal but everyone like freaked out "che SCHIFO!" which means disgusting..and long story short i was happy the kid stayed where he was. oh i long to lay in a park, my feet need to feel grass and not cement for a least a little while.
sidenote 2, after that they told me that the person standing next to me believed in ghosts and how ridiculous they thought that was..to which i told them that ah well i do so i told them my ghost story hah! this town needs a little superstition.
The next day i went to a soccer match between milan and some other italian team. we sat in the area where everyone constanty sings and chants and i tried to join along but ultimately failed so i just clapped and nodded my head in happiness. p.s. david beckham plays for milan. thats really the only reason i agreed to go. yay.
Going back a few days, on friday we went to mama patsys mums house for dinner to celebrate the birthdays of two of her siblings. the set up was pretty fancy and everyone was dressed really nice, but there was a woman there from teh phillipines as well who was the housekeeper/nanny. she sat at our table and i started talking to her. as nice as everyone else was i realized how much more interested i was in hearing what she had to say above anybody else. maybe this is because talk of the mountains and uranium in new mexico dont particularly interest me, or maybe because i finally got a chance to talk tos omeone i knew had had a different life than the rest of those who i've been surrounded by. one that was not filled with luxuries, and pollution. she showed me some pictures of the phillilpines and a trip she took to help people who had been struck by a terrible typhoon or hypoon...(bah they sound the same.) anyway i asked her if she missed home (she had only been back 3 or 4 times in the past 8 years) to which she replyed "theres no place like home".
p.s. also during my dinner, a conversation came up about the forest of sequoyas..haha i really couldnt help but laugh.
"now climb that tree"..
"what the sequoia?"
we really gotta find that video. :)
i love you both so much
bacimille
blynken
Thursday, January 28, 2010
City of Sludge... and other Ramblings of Mi Vida en Hartford
We are gypsies, wanderers, nomads, Márquezs, Furrs, travelers. We are Wynkn Blynken and Nod; Alvin Simon and Theodore; Huey Duey and Luey; Foomic Boopa and Feadlu; Camila Antonio and Anna. We are here and everywhere radiating our love to one another and to others.
It’s so strange being in a different country as the two of you. I’m sitting in a coffee shop in New Haven now, the Blue State, my favorite coffee shop being that it’s environmentally friendly and I get a reduced price on my drinks since I tote around my own corn plastic mug. These past couple of weeks have been interesting, perhaps the most interesting ones I’ve had since moving to Hartford. Of course, I must admit my wanderlust is chewing away slowly at my travel-crazed soul and if I could teleport I would immediately be “liming” with one of you (thanks ton for that sweet Trinidadian slang). My other confession is that yes, I am slightly jealous (but proud and incredibly happy) of you both. Emily called me the other day and said something to the effect of “Well Camila, Antonio and Anna are off exploring the world. That’s always something I thought you would be doing now” and lo and behold I realized that she’s absolutely correct. I should be out there on an expedition too. I should be digging up soil and planting trees with Wangari Maathai. I should be wearing a huipil and hanging out with some Guatamalens. I should be practicing my Swahili and watching X-Plastaz live… or something similar. I often question where I should be. When I feel comfortable with where I am, I don’t have the wanderlust, I feel like I am where I should be. Perhaps what this wanderlust is, the need to constantly search for the place that holds the seeds from which our souls emerged… or the multiple places where they are planted.
[sidenote 1: AHHH- Uncle Kracker just came on my i-tunes, and all of a sudden I’m feeling incredibly nostalgic for our days with Miss Bertell, singing non stop, hitting the road to the ranch, going door to door selling herbs (of the non smoking variety) and giving fortunes, making popcorn, and playing hours of BS in the bunkhouse. ]
Anyway, Blynken and Nod, you most write your adventures so I may live vicariously through you otherwise I’m going to be pulling Foomic’s journeys out of my ass and writing them here… not that that would be a bad thing.
So… here are some things that have happened recently…
1) The week before last was the earthquake in Haiti. Since Elizabeth had moved there the week before I was fucking scared and calling and facebooking everyone to see if I could find her. Fortunately, we found out that she was sitting in her apartment, safe and sound before being bussed out to the DR (Dominican Republic for you two who make fun of my abbreviations). Right now I’m having a Momo moment and trying to figure out what the hell to do next to help the people of Haiti. I have a meeting on Thursday with a couple of people to see if we can hold some sort of benefit at a coffee shop called La Paloma in Hartford. I suppose we’ll see what happens. If I don’t get into graduate school, I’m seriously considering going down there (or WWOOFing—do either of you perhaps want to join me in this endeavor?)
2) Mom informed me that Sky passed away from appendicitis. I had one of my “why does everyone in Santa Fe die young?” moments. The week before she died, I guess she told Vanessa that Anna, Celina (our cousin), and some other girl were her best friends. I’m really happy that Anna and I got to ride on the train with her this winter. She’s such a sunshiny spirit.
3) [This part can be skipped… it is not of the utmost importance: Chrissa and I went to a couple of bars a couple of Fridays ago. The Half Door (an Irish pub) which has amazing Irish coffee was our first stop. I drink much Irish coffee and became enthralled with a game of soccer with Argentina vs. unknown team and a game of rugby (Edinburgh vs. Ulster- I was rooting for Edingburgh) interspersed with news on Haiti (see how sad I have become. Pretty soon I’m going to be watching golf). After that we moved to the Tisane where I got a cocktail and stared at the cool bartender that has beautiful dreads.] From there we headed home and being the Márquez that I am, I had the munchies and decided to cut myself a slice of chedder (I am not implying that I farted here) and started nibbling at it when I heard noise in the hallway. Being slightly ineibrieted, wide awake, and wanting to know what the hell was going on… I opened the door. There, running down the hall were three boys (23 year old guys) shouting and eventually conglomerating around my doorway as I munched casually on my slice of cheese. All of us (Chrissa included) introduced ourselves but apparently we were making too much noise and Marco, our neighbor across the hallway opened his door in a disheveled state so Chrissa and I ended up hurrying the guys into our apartment. So yes, we invited strangers into our home… and there they were chatting away (Ton- do guys chat, or what is the male equivalent of chat?) inviting us to go back downstairs and drink beer with them. We informed them that we would have to change and we would meet them downstairs after changing out of our pajamas. They left… but after a few minutes we realized that one young gentleman was faceplanted onto my bed. Oh, drunk people. Any way, it was a crazy series of events, we ended up hanging out with them, played rock band and a game called dirty minds, and one of them ended up sleeping on our floor… once we all ended up falling asleep at daybreak.
4) That same weekend my beloved Cornell Mia visited. It was great seeing a familiar face and having someone to talk to about Elizabeth, Cornell, and life in general. Of course, being the pair that we are, we decided to cook… which typically results in us frying shit. Honestly, if the Oreo House was paired into teams of Amanda and Elizabeth vs. Mia and Camila for a cooking contest, they would be the Julia Child fancy chef and we would be the Nigellas or people who cook for Man vs. food. So, we made rice krispies (and devoured the pan within a 24 hour span), and… WE FOUND CHURRO MIXXXXXXX! (the grocery store we went to also had… are you ready for it?... horchata mix). The next day we made churros and ate them with Mexican hot chocolate. Best breakfast eeeeever. We also were threatened by a group of teens who told us they were going to stab us (which was followed by them telling us they loved us) and then chased by a crazy man who began cursing at us and running towards us. I’m telling you Hartford is a scary place, just ask Mia. Oh my gosh, so, Hartford also has this area called Frog Hollow, which is basically Hispanic town. Its great, though a little intimidating because we were obviously out of place, it’s a ton of men who rated Mia and I as 10s, and… the best part is that people were dancing on the sidewalk… now, just imagine what dad would’ve done if he saw that. He likely would’ve grabbed the man’s hands and salsad with him. Mia and I stopped in at a Dominican restaurant and had rice and beans, steak and onions, and mofongo (salty mashed platanos with sausage). I LOVE ethnic food, and I miss living with people who love it as much as me.
5) This past weekend I visited Maria, Tia Tere, and Nico. [side note, because Camila likes side notes and so does Sandra Cisneros: Since I am currently the only one in the States, I feel it is my duty to feel you in on family gossip and news so you aren’t left in the dark] Maria is now going to school to be a Vet technician, Tia Tere is still cooking away… I ate about 10 cupcakes when I was there, and Nico and I played board games all day… the kid loves Clue. Mom is soooo proud.
6) I finally got the Mia-mobile back. It is scary to drive in. Now I just need to figure out how do get it to her.
7) I’m applying to graduate school. The application is due on Saturday. I finally got ahold of Mwalimu Nanji. He didn’t know who I was. I’m hoping it was just because he got bad reception but, quien sabe.
8) So… funny story: Being me, shit happens. On Tuesday I was in the student lounge of the University of Hartford bending over to put stuff in my backpack when all of a sudden the skirt I’m wearing is at my knees. MY FREAKIN’ SKIRT FELL OFF IN PUBLIC!!!! Fortunately I was wearing a long sweater and a leotard. That situation could’ve been much more akward.
Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. I admit, it’s not as cool as what you guys are doing. I mean, other than those interesting things, I’ve been watching the Gilmore Girls and crocheting. I’ve learned how to make hats and am on a roll with those. I love the two of you tons and am radiating love, peace, epiphanies, and amusement your way.
General amusement of the day:
Joke told by a professor I’m working with:
Q: What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
A: You can mash potatoes, you can’t pee soup.
Hahahahaha
Family amusement of the day:
Uncle Tim being the father and son of EVERY one of the Beatles. He’s an impressive man that Uncle Tim.
-Wynken
Monday, January 25, 2010
The days go fast but the years go so slow
Well guys i cant believe where we all really are. When i was flying across the ocean to frankfurt i reallized that at that moment we were not only in different places but in different elements, camila on the earth, tone on the sea, and i was above the clouds (which you seriously would not believe, it was its own terrain). Anyway i dont really know how to start this whole blog thing off but lets just take a sec to realize just how young we are compared with how we are living now and how our lives has been so far. Its the gypsy in us, the wonderlust tickling our feet. I was just thinking of how we always used to play games of going on "journeys" to magical places and meeting magical people like wizards and warriors. Well, that fire is still lit in us and we're all living those pretend games with the reality that we were given. Maybe we have not met centaurs or have to battle alien ships (hah or do we?) but we could write a excyclopedia sized book and it would seem just as bizarre.....anywayyyysss....
i love you both.
p.s. get the copy of one hundred years of solitude as soon as you might be able to its fantastic.
p.p.s. i think maybe we should each have our own text color and font so that it will be easier do identify whos who since were all probably using camilas thing
anyway good journ be yourns..ciao :)
-Blynken
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