i am laughing but my feet are still.

hello wynken and nod.
i miss you.
its late here. and im incredibly tired but i feel like writing. or at least i did 5 minutes ago. and i hope you read this no matter how insignificant and uninteresting it is. today i left school early. just walked out because when you dont do anything thats what you do. then i went to my south african friends house for dinner but on the way there the fucking bus patrolers ticketed me and i had to pay 34 euros i tried pulling the whole im a stupid american and started speaking english really fast (because this is my second penalty..i still need to pay the other one) but that didnt work because there were five of them. fucking assholes straight up. and i even tried paying for my bus pass earlier in the day but they wouldnt let me because it was too late. i would hate having a job that automatically defines you as an asshole. anyway i finally made it to my friends house and we had a great time. she plays guitar and writes song and really surprised me shes incredibly talented its folky type music but her lyrics have soul. it was good to be around some music like that i miss it. finally on my way back home i had to take the metro and then the bus. but i forgot that everything looks different at night and i got lost for an hour. went in circles and circles and circles. but i saw this hobo. who i also see every monday night on my walk home. but this time he was in a different place. and i wonder if maybe hes really my guardian angel. i think it may be the same hobo that i saw ona soup kitchen advertisement next to a smiling woman. he wasnt smiling though. i wonder if he sees me or if he recognizes me. these days have been strange lately and i dont really know what i feel. i feel like im blinded by the traffic and things moving fast but really i feel like im walking through mud and its hard to define. and im sorry im just rambling now but the other day i went to the park which ive been doing quite often lately always trying to go and do my homework but i just end up watching the people instead. and i saw a kid laying face planted on the dirt. hugging the ground. but the mom just kept walking. and i wonder if maybe its because he knows where he really came from and the mom was just a manequin. when i walked by he turned his head to the side and smiled at me. i hope he kept hugging the ground. its spring time here. and i feel like wearing dresses. and i always put a flower in my hair but i really want someone else to do it for me so i dont have to. on sunday i went to verona with one of the women from my program and the other american girl courtney. we saw juliettes balcony and before yous ee the balcony theres a hall filled with love notes and love graffiti. i wonder how many hearts are left there. those peoples love will always exist in that hall. like my friend kurt vonnegut would say everything exists in a moment in time. and always will. ive also been thinking a lot about sky lately and i like to remember that everything exists ina moment in time. like laughter. and dances. and twirling. and smiles. they live for infinity and nothing can change tht.and speaking of the sky its kind of scary living in a place where you cant see the stars. and all htere are are the street lights and lights from city windows. but then its comforting to think that maybe these are stars for some distant planet. and maybe over santa fe its really just a huge city. and maybe theres someone there wishing they could see the stars but instead its just black. or bleak. but maybe they would be comforted to know that their window light was someone elses star. i dont know. just thoughts. im getting tired of the superficiality of milan. i hate to say it. there is so much to do here and so much to see. but my god. its the city of moda. the city of fashion. which is great. but thats what it comes down to even with the majority of the people. which is why im glad mia cnotacted me because shes coming here on may 4th and maybe she can stay with me and my family for a bit and even if she cant well at least get to see eachother. my feet are itching again with wonder lust. but at the same time i want to stay here. i think you guys know what im talking about. maybe. its hard not to fall in love with things in every place. i know i said its superficial. but i know there will be a lot that i miss. i wish there was someway we could cut ourselves up into tiny little pieces so we could remain in everyplace we love but still remain whole. i think there is a way and its just no tliteral and i just havent found it yet. i was happy to hear that you made it to mexico antonio and i dont mean just that you made it by plane but that you endeed up there you know. go back to our roots. and if camila ends up being a luchador maybe well all end up there. maybe youll be fluent in spanish soon ton. that would be neat. that would mean that you could speak spanish. i could speak italian. and camila could speak swahili. were just too cool. i love you hermanos. more than anything. my heart is with you two and always is. i see things that remind me of you guys all the time and it makes me smile. anyway. vi amo.
ciao (for now)
blynken.